MALU-ED

ahhhhhhh! i feel so malu-ed now! fell down at the mrt station just now loh. so paiseh!!
it must be my school shoes man. no more friction thingie cos yingxue didn't fall. neither did kaiyin. blah. i'm gonna buy new school shoes. me no care!
yes. sophia knows about my secret. lols.
not really a secret issit. so many people know loh.
i'm so tempted to do it again.
i'm very very down and put out.
VERY!
been playing with that vicious thingie all afternoon during choir practice. huihong*senior* thought i mad liaos. hehs.
teachers came in and decided to say no playing of poker cards. DAMN!
i'm really not in good mood.
i think i'm a very ye3 man2 person loh.
i keep making promises i know i can never actually suceed in keeping it.
i dunno why.
issit to reassure myself, or am i making it just to please you all.
because i know that if i don't promise, someway or another, you will make me make that promise.
don't come and tell me that hating yourself is gay.
then i think the three quaters of the world is gay man.
hehs.
i feel so damn screwed.
choir today was damn boring. my only company was that vicious thingie.
i felt like dying.
on the way to potong pasir mrt, yingxue threatened to kick me out to the road. and i told her i'll gladly let you do it. hehs.
auditions are coming soon, i so do not have the heart to even do well in it.
i don't feel like doing anything except dying.
even this post is HALF-hearted.
was talking to kaywei after choir cos i was waiting for sarena to finish her TAF camp.

kaywei: you aren't gonna *** again are you.
me: nah. infront of general office you want me die arh.
kaywei: laffs
me: besides, they will send me to intensive counselling if i do it here.

heh. those who know what i'm doing should know what i'm talking about.
lols.
sophia even sms-ed me after choir to tell me to stop doing it loh.
blah.
i promised her.
like i did with a whole bunch of other people.
but..i have no faith. i know that it will happen again.
dionne says i'm the kind of person that look like they will never do this kind of thing.
maybe that's a good thing, maybe that's a bad thing. don't really care.
whatever it is, i'll never garuntee that i will never do it again although i've promised.
i know that i will make alot of people disappointed, but i'm at my wits now.
i'm a person who cannot take alot of stuff like others can.
i'm a darn useless idiot.
a bai chi a hei chi, yada yada yada.
i keep telling myself.
i CANNOT cry.
i CANNOT cry.
damn frustrated.
i think i'll shall stop here. in case i start swearing like hell like i did this afternoon.
goodbye.