i'm leaving for desaru tomorrow.
hurhur.
i don't wanna leave.
i'm down to the pits!
cheer me up! )):
no sms, no msn.
how am i to communicate with you guys??
)):
20051031
this is how i feel )):
Far Away
Nickelback
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore
On my knees, I’ll ask
Last chance for one last dance
‘Cause with you, I’d withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I’d give it all
I’d give for us
Give anything but I won’t give up
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you’ll be with me
and you’ll never go
Stop breathing if I don’t see you anymore
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know,
you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believing
Hold on to me and never let me go
20051027
quiz hoppin' :))
ORANGE:
You can have a really unique hair colour and
personality. You give everything for your goal
and not even friends are aloud in your way, you
stand up for what you believe in and let nobody
talk you out of things. Your motto is probably:
*Threw and out!* You might pass everything with
care and are blessed with a good memory, but
remember to not hurt somebodys feelings on your
way to the top! Overall, special and
intelligent!
COLOUR MEANS: sociable, practical, fulfilment and
satisfaction. But it is a mix with suppression
of feelings, be careful!
Jewel/Symbol: Star and Amber
Which Hair Colour Represents you Best? [With Anime pics!]
brought to you by Quizilla
Hippie: You are cool, because, well that is kind of
the definition. A lot of people think that
being a hippie is about saving the environment
and not eating meat. But that just is not so,
being a hippie is about really and truly
enjoying yourself, listening to good music and
maybe pissing your parents off a bit.
What High School label do you best fit into? 8 results!
brought to you by Quizilla
Your sorta gothic, your happy to spend time on your
own
What sort of person are you?(NOW WTIH PICS!!)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are misunderstood. People see you as a dark,
cold and uncaring person. But...you're not. So
many things have happened to you. You have alot
to worry about. Truth is, you need
someone. Someone to love, or just someone
to talk to. You love rock music and are just
as nice as everyone else. ^^
What Kind of Girl Are you? (Anime Pics o^_^o)
brought to you by Quizilla
THE UNKOWN: Your scared of what you can't see. When
your scared you cry and talk to your self or
try to make some sort of sound. Your even more
scared in the dark.
Whats your worst fear
brought to you by Quizilla
you r cool n popular.
ppl like to follow u. stay cool. good job.by the
way. dun be proud about it. sometimes being
humble is a good thing.
wat kind of person r u?(gurls onli)
brought to you by Quizilla
BUTTERFLY EYES
You have Butterfly
Eyes!
Positive Traits: Thoughtful,
Intelligent, Humble, Clever, Open
Minded
Negative Traits: Elitist,
Conceited, Apathetic, Cold, Sarcastic
Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are a goth.Your dress, of course, is black.Good
for you.You make me proud.
What Is Your Ideal Dress? (Pics And Lots Of Results)
brought to you by Quizilla
You chose black eyes.
You have a very angry personality. You refuse to
see the right side of people, and you can be a
bit arrogent, thinking you're better then other
people. If someone makes fun of you, or picks
on you, you'll bounce back, ready for a fight.
You probably have a violent, defensive
reputation.
The Eye color personality test
brought to you by Quizilla
February,
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent andclever. Changing personality.
Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and
humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach
goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive
and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but
does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things.
Loves making friends but rarely shows it.
Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing
dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment
and leisure. Romantic on the inside not
outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
What does your birth month reveal about you? (read memo)
brought to you by Quizilla
PALADIN
You are the Paladin, the
ultimate warrior for God. The Paladin
represents all that is good in the world.
Paladins fight evil at all costs. They do not
care for material pleasures of this world. They
have sworn their lives away to protecting the
innocent, avenging the victims of cruel
murders, and chasing after those who deserve
their punishments. The Paladin will do anything
to fulfill their duties. They will even
sacrifice themselves to save
another.
Color: White
Animal:
Dove
Gem: Diamond
Symbol:
Sword
Image:
http://www.deviantart.com/view/14400235/
Who would you be if you were a character in an epic fantasy? (beautiful pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
your heart walks out of fire
you are bold, and energetic. you are fierce like
the tiger, yure element is fire
where does your heart walk out from?[ my frist quiz be nice]
brought to you by Quizilla
your Beauty is natural.you dont have to go out of
your way to make people like you, they just
do.your kind and caring and others love that
about you
what Beauty do you hold?(with anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
ahyes. was quiz hoppin' cos i was really bored and everything.
yupps.
i tink they're utter crap though.
HAH!
i'll end here.
ttfn.
20051026
soul calibur 2!
hellos. yupps. i've been playing soul calibur 2 the WHOLE afternoon today.
if you didn't know, that's an xbox game:))
it's damn cool can! though i seriously sucked at it.
talim, she's some kind of priestess of the wind.
she's SUPER prettayye!
and she's 15!
ohmytian ok.
yupps that's her okay. super prettayye with those funkayye clothes:))
hahahas. and than have KILIK.
this super dee duper muscular guy who's like yummily deliciously delectable. ^.^
yums.
he's HOT.
at least for a video game character he is ;)
that scar on his face is damn HOT!
but he's whole history is damn horrible lah.
blah.
ahhh. nvm. actually most of the good guys are damn hot in that video game.
LOL.
budden the bad guys are like...wierd creatures.
one even looked like a mummy!
hahahas.
so hilarious lah.
but the game is so darn difficult. i kept losing!
at the beginning stage summore.
so shao xing.
lols.
great. i'm in love with video game characters. hahas.
but it's kinda impossible to find someone alive that hot anyway.
a girl can dream can't she. hahahas.
he's abs are like. WOW!
hahas.
you wanna see more pics, go to:
www.soulcalibur.com
hahas. it rocks.
the video game rocks!
yay!
lalalalas.
i tink i'll stop here.
goodbye! :))
20051025
bored.
yes. i'm back again with yet another post.
yes. i know all these posts bore you to death.
HAH!
today is just another ordinary boring day in school.
poker cards were not allowed and thus, i was bored to death for i do not own a stack of uno cards for pete's sake.
for the past few weeks, i've been looking for the curve cut FBT shorts.
couldn't find it.
and then.
shakila came and told me that JOO SENG WAREHOUSE has an office that sells FBT shorts.
i was so pissed. because i live OPPOSITE JOO SENG WAREHOUSE!
my first reaction was. ohmytian!
lol.
waste my time.
this morning at morning assembly.
well. of cos morning assembly. it couldn't jolly well be evening assembly in the morning right.
ohwait. they DON'T have evening assembly.
my dry sarcasm never fails to ammuse me:))
but that is beside the point.
too much sidetracking.
anyway, back to the morning assembly.
there was tons of announcement this morning. almost fell asleep lah.
then leong announced that she's leaving cedar to be the principal of anderson jc.
hell. just when i was starting to get used to her.
then she also announced that some teachers were leaving too. apparently, her some turned out to be so many lah.
nice estimation man.
she then went on to say that some crack pot principal from temasek sec was coming.
just peachy.
wow.
my sarcasm is so improving.
i just love it so much.
it makes me sound cold.
i love it!
i like being distant and cold.
i like being alone.
it allows me to DAYDREAM!
i love daydreaming. it allows me to fantasize about stuff that will NEVER happen.
yes.
was watching qing chu yu lan(shine on you).
it just ending.
that show is damn nice can!
ou yang shan is like damn shuave lah.
not that he's that hot anything.
on the contary, he's actually just average lah.
but he's TALL!
*runs to the corner and mumbles to self*
yes. i am SHORT!
if you got anything to say about it, think twice.
if you still gonna say it.
lets say, you're not gonna like what's gonna happen.
DO NOT ANNOY ME.
i'm trying to change my ways.
you annoying me ain't helping much.
someone should just get me a WHAT WOULD JESUS DO wristband or something.
hah.
gimme a break.
i'm stressed enuff.
damn. i like talking about sex. come talk to me. i love it!
it's like the most darn interesting topic to talk about lah.
hahahaas.
i like not having enuff sleep.
i like not eating.
because i hate these stuff.
i have no darn appetite.
no matter how long exams have passed or anything, my appetite ain't coming back. it's been like this for 3 years.
this shows why my friggin eye bags are still here.
and i look damn skinny and am short because i don't eat much.
i wanna take ice skating for my NYAA.
JEREMY. if i lose my way getting to the ice skating place thingie i call you arh.
hahahas.
you know on the paper they actually spelled roller blading as ROLLER BALDING!
hah!
roller balding.
what a laff.
it's so hilarious even my toes are laughing.
lols.
i think this post is long enough that you're already bored isn't it.
hah.
much love to all.
goodbye.
yes. i know all these posts bore you to death.
HAH!
today is just another ordinary boring day in school.
poker cards were not allowed and thus, i was bored to death for i do not own a stack of uno cards for pete's sake.
for the past few weeks, i've been looking for the curve cut FBT shorts.
couldn't find it.
and then.
shakila came and told me that JOO SENG WAREHOUSE has an office that sells FBT shorts.
i was so pissed. because i live OPPOSITE JOO SENG WAREHOUSE!
my first reaction was. ohmytian!
lol.
waste my time.
this morning at morning assembly.
well. of cos morning assembly. it couldn't jolly well be evening assembly in the morning right.
ohwait. they DON'T have evening assembly.
my dry sarcasm never fails to ammuse me:))
but that is beside the point.
too much sidetracking.
anyway, back to the morning assembly.
there was tons of announcement this morning. almost fell asleep lah.
then leong announced that she's leaving cedar to be the principal of anderson jc.
hell. just when i was starting to get used to her.
then she also announced that some teachers were leaving too. apparently, her some turned out to be so many lah.
nice estimation man.
she then went on to say that some crack pot principal from temasek sec was coming.
just peachy.
wow.
my sarcasm is so improving.
i just love it so much.
it makes me sound cold.
i love it!
i like being distant and cold.
i like being alone.
it allows me to DAYDREAM!
i love daydreaming. it allows me to fantasize about stuff that will NEVER happen.
yes.
was watching qing chu yu lan(shine on you).
it just ending.
that show is damn nice can!
ou yang shan is like damn shuave lah.
not that he's that hot anything.
on the contary, he's actually just average lah.
but he's TALL!
*runs to the corner and mumbles to self*
yes. i am SHORT!
if you got anything to say about it, think twice.
if you still gonna say it.
lets say, you're not gonna like what's gonna happen.
DO NOT ANNOY ME.
i'm trying to change my ways.
you annoying me ain't helping much.
someone should just get me a WHAT WOULD JESUS DO wristband or something.
hah.
gimme a break.
i'm stressed enuff.
damn. i like talking about sex. come talk to me. i love it!
it's like the most darn interesting topic to talk about lah.
hahahaas.
i like not having enuff sleep.
i like not eating.
because i hate these stuff.
i have no darn appetite.
no matter how long exams have passed or anything, my appetite ain't coming back. it's been like this for 3 years.
this shows why my friggin eye bags are still here.
and i look damn skinny and am short because i don't eat much.
i wanna take ice skating for my NYAA.
JEREMY. if i lose my way getting to the ice skating place thingie i call you arh.
hahahas.
you know on the paper they actually spelled roller blading as ROLLER BALDING!
hah!
roller balding.
what a laff.
it's so hilarious even my toes are laughing.
lols.
i think this post is long enough that you're already bored isn't it.
hah.
much love to all.
goodbye.
20051024
happiness?
yes. this is my second post for today.
that just shows how effing bored i am.
but that's not the whole point on why i'm blogging again.
it's been bugging me last night.
somehow, i've totally forgotten about it until now.
you know how people always say i'm fortunate and anyhow?
well. do you even noe how many illnesses i have?
well maybe now it's under control.
but seeing as cedar loves doing sports, i just might have a relaspe again.
and because of these illnesses, i can't be a pilot.
i've been prone to getting colds since i was a kid.
i have an uber sensitive nose. it sucks.
i can't stand aircon.
i'll get colds.
and thus, my sister complains often cos i don't let her turn on the air con.
and because of this, i get sick often.
i have skin problem.
my skin ain't growing properly.
thus the scars.
and because of that, i can't do certain things like others can because if i touch grass, i'll get rashes. if i stay out in the sun for too long, i'll get rashes. that's also partly why i look darn skinny. cos my skin can't grow. darn. it's a genetic thingie.
you see. these two clash!
i can't take air con.
but i need air con in other not to scratch and get rashes all over again.
and because of that, i suffer.
do you even noe how hard it is to try and restrain yourself from scratching.
do you even noe how hard it is to cope with them. i go to a doctor so often when i was young that i still dread going there.
i also have weak lungs.
thus, i'm forced to take up swimming so that "i can built up my lungs".
but no. you don't listen to how much i suffer during these lessons.
the aching pain in my lungs whenever i try to reach up to your expectations.
i told you a million times i'm suffering. i cannot take it.
but you just shout back and scold me that you must carry on.
i've reached my limit. i can't go any faster.
you know i cry when i actually swim. the pain is so horrible.
and my breathing will come in harsh gasps.
and because of my weak lungs, i have asthma.
it isn't that bad now.
all these were there when i was a BABY!
a effing baby.
you know how much treatments i've got?
well no.
i used to have to go to the doctor so often just to get my breathing under control cos i kept getting asthma attacks.
it really sucked.
i'd be sick for days.
i'd be coughing and sneezing away.
well yah.
next time
think twice before thinking i don't suffer.
so go away ok.
that just shows how effing bored i am.
but that's not the whole point on why i'm blogging again.
it's been bugging me last night.
somehow, i've totally forgotten about it until now.
you know how people always say i'm fortunate and anyhow?
well. do you even noe how many illnesses i have?
well maybe now it's under control.
but seeing as cedar loves doing sports, i just might have a relaspe again.
and because of these illnesses, i can't be a pilot.
i've been prone to getting colds since i was a kid.
i have an uber sensitive nose. it sucks.
i can't stand aircon.
i'll get colds.
and thus, my sister complains often cos i don't let her turn on the air con.
and because of this, i get sick often.
i have skin problem.
my skin ain't growing properly.
thus the scars.
and because of that, i can't do certain things like others can because if i touch grass, i'll get rashes. if i stay out in the sun for too long, i'll get rashes. that's also partly why i look darn skinny. cos my skin can't grow. darn. it's a genetic thingie.
you see. these two clash!
i can't take air con.
but i need air con in other not to scratch and get rashes all over again.
and because of that, i suffer.
do you even noe how hard it is to try and restrain yourself from scratching.
do you even noe how hard it is to cope with them. i go to a doctor so often when i was young that i still dread going there.
i also have weak lungs.
thus, i'm forced to take up swimming so that "i can built up my lungs".
but no. you don't listen to how much i suffer during these lessons.
the aching pain in my lungs whenever i try to reach up to your expectations.
i told you a million times i'm suffering. i cannot take it.
but you just shout back and scold me that you must carry on.
i've reached my limit. i can't go any faster.
you know i cry when i actually swim. the pain is so horrible.
and my breathing will come in harsh gasps.
and because of my weak lungs, i have asthma.
it isn't that bad now.
all these were there when i was a BABY!
a effing baby.
you know how much treatments i've got?
well no.
i used to have to go to the doctor so often just to get my breathing under control cos i kept getting asthma attacks.
it really sucked.
i'd be sick for days.
i'd be coughing and sneezing away.
well yah.
next time
think twice before thinking i don't suffer.
so go away ok.
erhm. dunno lah.
been rather bored these few days. nothing to do.
i'm in love with jesse mccartney!
i love his songs lah! hahas.
hmms.
not really looking forward to going to school tomorrow.
another day in school is another depressing day.
at least at home, i'm alone and i don't have to pretend to be happy and everything.
yesyes. jeremy thinks i'm being to chirpy and he wants another mouth with his name at the links. one jealous person. *shakes head*
christmas carolling practice starts this saturday. not really in the mood for festive celebrations.
these occasions are just too happy man.
can't stand it.
shou bu liaos.
i love reading fanfictions:))
they're so innocent and cliched.
ok. nvm. that's not the point.
amanda thinks i'm mad.
prolly all the depression thing has gotten into my head.
haven't gotten over the habit of having that vicious weapon in my pocket 24/7.
don't come scolding me. i'll just turn a deaf ear. most prolly.
cos i'm somehow a lil sick of all the same talks that different people have been telling me.
they're all the same thing you know.
"stop doing it."
"it won't help."
"there are more unfortunate people out there."
i can't stand it okay.
i was only able to do some thinking at the previous choir prac cos yinxue, dionne and evan were at TAF camp. and i had no one to tok to lah.
somehow it did no help.
went to at least 5 world of sports yesterday to look for the "unflowery male deodorant". couldn't find it.
i swear all these world of sports are USELESS.
i'm so effing pissed.
it sucks.
i don't like this.
more choir practices.
why can't i just go overseas.
ohwait.
i just remembered.
i'm too poor to afford even cds much less airplane tickets.
yes.
i'm poor.
they say poor people are much more happier.
i resent that.
i'm poor.
i'm unhappy.
i'm depressed.
i want to die.
there.
dumb philosophies out there are for NOTHING!
ok. i shouldn't be getting angry. it's not good for health.
youth camp.
11th to 14th december.
am i doing the right thing in going?
i'm veh confused now.
can i just bang a wall and die please.
shan't talk any further incase i dampan your mood too.
so i shall just go away.
goodbye.
i'm in love with jesse mccartney!
i love his songs lah! hahas.
hmms.
not really looking forward to going to school tomorrow.
another day in school is another depressing day.
at least at home, i'm alone and i don't have to pretend to be happy and everything.
yesyes. jeremy thinks i'm being to chirpy and he wants another mouth with his name at the links. one jealous person. *shakes head*
christmas carolling practice starts this saturday. not really in the mood for festive celebrations.
these occasions are just too happy man.
can't stand it.
shou bu liaos.
i love reading fanfictions:))
they're so innocent and cliched.
ok. nvm. that's not the point.
amanda thinks i'm mad.
prolly all the depression thing has gotten into my head.
haven't gotten over the habit of having that vicious weapon in my pocket 24/7.
don't come scolding me. i'll just turn a deaf ear. most prolly.
cos i'm somehow a lil sick of all the same talks that different people have been telling me.
they're all the same thing you know.
"stop doing it."
"it won't help."
"there are more unfortunate people out there."
i can't stand it okay.
i was only able to do some thinking at the previous choir prac cos yinxue, dionne and evan were at TAF camp. and i had no one to tok to lah.
somehow it did no help.
went to at least 5 world of sports yesterday to look for the "unflowery male deodorant". couldn't find it.
i swear all these world of sports are USELESS.
i'm so effing pissed.
it sucks.
i don't like this.
more choir practices.
why can't i just go overseas.
ohwait.
i just remembered.
i'm too poor to afford even cds much less airplane tickets.
yes.
i'm poor.
they say poor people are much more happier.
i resent that.
i'm poor.
i'm unhappy.
i'm depressed.
i want to die.
there.
dumb philosophies out there are for NOTHING!
ok. i shouldn't be getting angry. it's not good for health.
youth camp.
11th to 14th december.
am i doing the right thing in going?
i'm veh confused now.
can i just bang a wall and die please.
shan't talk any further incase i dampan your mood too.
so i shall just go away.
goodbye.
20051022
You're a lollipop!! You're known for your coolness,
for you are a trend setter. You're a natural
leader, and are good under pressure. People
often seek you out for advice, for you have
great insight.
Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
ohmytian lah. lollipop my ass man.
o wait. i am laughing my ass off.
HAHAHAHA!
20051021
MALU-ED
ahhhhhhh! i feel so malu-ed now! fell down at the mrt station just now loh. so paiseh!!
it must be my school shoes man. no more friction thingie cos yingxue didn't fall. neither did kaiyin. blah. i'm gonna buy new school shoes. me no care!
yes. sophia knows about my secret. lols.
not really a secret issit. so many people know loh.
i'm so tempted to do it again.
i'm very very down and put out.
VERY!
been playing with that vicious thingie all afternoon during choir practice. huihong*senior* thought i mad liaos. hehs.
teachers came in and decided to say no playing of poker cards. DAMN!
i'm really not in good mood.
i think i'm a very ye3 man2 person loh.
i keep making promises i know i can never actually suceed in keeping it.
i dunno why.
issit to reassure myself, or am i making it just to please you all.
because i know that if i don't promise, someway or another, you will make me make that promise.
don't come and tell me that hating yourself is gay.
then i think the three quaters of the world is gay man.
hehs.
i feel so damn screwed.
choir today was damn boring. my only company was that vicious thingie.
i felt like dying.
on the way to potong pasir mrt, yingxue threatened to kick me out to the road. and i told her i'll gladly let you do it. hehs.
auditions are coming soon, i so do not have the heart to even do well in it.
i don't feel like doing anything except dying.
even this post is HALF-hearted.
was talking to kaywei after choir cos i was waiting for sarena to finish her TAF camp.
kaywei: you aren't gonna *** again are you.
me: nah. infront of general office you want me die arh.
kaywei: laffs
me: besides, they will send me to intensive counselling if i do it here.
heh. those who know what i'm doing should know what i'm talking about.
lols.
sophia even sms-ed me after choir to tell me to stop doing it loh.
blah.
i promised her.
like i did with a whole bunch of other people.
but..i have no faith. i know that it will happen again.
dionne says i'm the kind of person that look like they will never do this kind of thing.
maybe that's a good thing, maybe that's a bad thing. don't really care.
whatever it is, i'll never garuntee that i will never do it again although i've promised.
i know that i will make alot of people disappointed, but i'm at my wits now.
i'm a person who cannot take alot of stuff like others can.
i'm a darn useless idiot.
a bai chi a hei chi, yada yada yada.
i keep telling myself.
i CANNOT cry.
i CANNOT cry.
damn frustrated.
i think i'll shall stop here. in case i start swearing like hell like i did this afternoon.
goodbye.
it must be my school shoes man. no more friction thingie cos yingxue didn't fall. neither did kaiyin. blah. i'm gonna buy new school shoes. me no care!
yes. sophia knows about my secret. lols.
not really a secret issit. so many people know loh.
i'm so tempted to do it again.
i'm very very down and put out.
VERY!
been playing with that vicious thingie all afternoon during choir practice. huihong*senior* thought i mad liaos. hehs.
teachers came in and decided to say no playing of poker cards. DAMN!
i'm really not in good mood.
i think i'm a very ye3 man2 person loh.
i keep making promises i know i can never actually suceed in keeping it.
i dunno why.
issit to reassure myself, or am i making it just to please you all.
because i know that if i don't promise, someway or another, you will make me make that promise.
don't come and tell me that hating yourself is gay.
then i think the three quaters of the world is gay man.
hehs.
i feel so damn screwed.
choir today was damn boring. my only company was that vicious thingie.
i felt like dying.
on the way to potong pasir mrt, yingxue threatened to kick me out to the road. and i told her i'll gladly let you do it. hehs.
auditions are coming soon, i so do not have the heart to even do well in it.
i don't feel like doing anything except dying.
even this post is HALF-hearted.
was talking to kaywei after choir cos i was waiting for sarena to finish her TAF camp.
kaywei: you aren't gonna *** again are you.
me: nah. infront of general office you want me die arh.
kaywei: laffs
me: besides, they will send me to intensive counselling if i do it here.
heh. those who know what i'm doing should know what i'm talking about.
lols.
sophia even sms-ed me after choir to tell me to stop doing it loh.
blah.
i promised her.
like i did with a whole bunch of other people.
but..i have no faith. i know that it will happen again.
dionne says i'm the kind of person that look like they will never do this kind of thing.
maybe that's a good thing, maybe that's a bad thing. don't really care.
whatever it is, i'll never garuntee that i will never do it again although i've promised.
i know that i will make alot of people disappointed, but i'm at my wits now.
i'm a person who cannot take alot of stuff like others can.
i'm a darn useless idiot.
a bai chi a hei chi, yada yada yada.
i keep telling myself.
i CANNOT cry.
i CANNOT cry.
damn frustrated.
i think i'll shall stop here. in case i start swearing like hell like i did this afternoon.
goodbye.
20051019
another day...
yes. just came back from choir.
bought a new choir tee, size L. heh. it's darn BIG man. hahahas.
got back more results. really disapointed man.
ahwells. i didn't study. can't expect more. >.<
design & tech. = A1
home econs = A2
english = A2
history = A2
geography = A2 (i tink lah. 4got lerh.)
literature = B3
science = B4
higher chinese = C5
mathematics = C5
art = C5
yupps. i tink those are my EOY results.
darn, it so sucks.
my chinese improved by one grade. YAYNESS!!
hehs.
was freezing in choir today.
my teeth were chattering. =P
lame loh. if the new cedar jacket didn't make me look like a dumb yellow coloured traffic light, i'd actually wear it. lols.
i'm very tired now actually.
gotta pay evan 10:50 for the choir tee tomorrow. bleh. i broke liao lah.
den still have 2 bucks for choir fund.
and i still owe soliel 2 bucks cos sarena won amirah in stress.
ohman.
i'll bet on sweets next time.
LOL.
yes. i tink i'll just stop here:))
goodbye!
bought a new choir tee, size L. heh. it's darn BIG man. hahahas.
got back more results. really disapointed man.
ahwells. i didn't study. can't expect more. >.<
design & tech. = A1
home econs = A2
english = A2
history = A2
geography = A2 (i tink lah. 4got lerh.)
literature = B3
science = B4
higher chinese = C5
mathematics = C5
art = C5
yupps. i tink those are my EOY results.
darn, it so sucks.
my chinese improved by one grade. YAYNESS!!
hehs.
was freezing in choir today.
my teeth were chattering. =P
lame loh. if the new cedar jacket didn't make me look like a dumb yellow coloured traffic light, i'd actually wear it. lols.
i'm very tired now actually.
gotta pay evan 10:50 for the choir tee tomorrow. bleh. i broke liao lah.
den still have 2 bucks for choir fund.
and i still owe soliel 2 bucks cos sarena won amirah in stress.
ohman.
i'll bet on sweets next time.
LOL.
yes. i tink i'll just stop here:))
goodbye!
20051018
new skin.
yupps. a new skin. i think i like this one better.
been really tiring lately.
i think that being tired was the only thing i've been mentioning these few days.
i'm feeling rather peachy.
the choir ain't going to germany no more. not even china.
but i understand. it is too near to their 'o' levels. i won't be selfish.
miss chye started by saying next year we gonna have practices 3 or 4 times a week.
oh heck. i'll be dead tired next year.
i feel very alone right now.
i feel like a textbook. only needed whenever we do stuff that involves it.
sorry textbook. i treated you like dirt.
and now i'm treated like dirt. great.
thank you evangeline for always being there for me when no one was.
i really really really appreciate it:))
i'm glad you like the pooh bear. =p
i can't imagine without you in the choir :((
you're leaving next year. i'm gonna cry.
you cannot forget me ok! hahahas.
if not i whack you!
you rock evan! i love you:))
i'll certainly miss you alot. kekeke.
yupps.
and jeremy.
must take care of yourself.
i know you're going through a rough patch.
but must jiayous!
don't make me worried ok.
darn! i sound like a mother. lols.
nutters.
anyway. try to eat and sleep at least a little ok.
yupps.
i dunno what to do.
i feel darn troubled.
my head feels like it's gonna burst.
although i don't show how i actually feel. the more i think, the more it seems that no one understands my character at all.
that no one even knows me.
even the least emotional song now can make me cry.
i'm not kidding.
there's a whole truckload of tears waiting to flow out.
only, i'm holding them back.
choir practice till 5:30 everyday just doesn't make it any better.
it makes me more tired.
i can't even type or speak coherrently now.
eye bags getting worst.
i'm dead beat.
even considered standing in the middle of the road junction so i'll just die immediately.
that's good..
by actually listening and helping people in depression, i'm sort of like telling that to myself too. wierd huh.
ahwells. guess i'll just stop here.
good night.
ttfn.
been really tiring lately.
i think that being tired was the only thing i've been mentioning these few days.
i'm feeling rather peachy.
the choir ain't going to germany no more. not even china.
but i understand. it is too near to their 'o' levels. i won't be selfish.
miss chye started by saying next year we gonna have practices 3 or 4 times a week.
oh heck. i'll be dead tired next year.
i feel very alone right now.
i feel like a textbook. only needed whenever we do stuff that involves it.
sorry textbook. i treated you like dirt.
and now i'm treated like dirt. great.
thank you evangeline for always being there for me when no one was.
i really really really appreciate it:))
i'm glad you like the pooh bear. =p
i can't imagine without you in the choir :((
you're leaving next year. i'm gonna cry.
you cannot forget me ok! hahahas.
if not i whack you!
you rock evan! i love you:))
i'll certainly miss you alot. kekeke.
yupps.
and jeremy.
must take care of yourself.
i know you're going through a rough patch.
but must jiayous!
don't make me worried ok.
darn! i sound like a mother. lols.
nutters.
anyway. try to eat and sleep at least a little ok.
yupps.
i dunno what to do.
i feel darn troubled.
my head feels like it's gonna burst.
although i don't show how i actually feel. the more i think, the more it seems that no one understands my character at all.
that no one even knows me.
even the least emotional song now can make me cry.
i'm not kidding.
there's a whole truckload of tears waiting to flow out.
only, i'm holding them back.
choir practice till 5:30 everyday just doesn't make it any better.
it makes me more tired.
i can't even type or speak coherrently now.
eye bags getting worst.
i'm dead beat.
even considered standing in the middle of the road junction so i'll just die immediately.
that's good..
by actually listening and helping people in depression, i'm sort of like telling that to myself too. wierd huh.
ahwells. guess i'll just stop here.
good night.
ttfn.
20051016
life.issues.
it so seems that it's the time of the year where EVERYONE starts having issues isn't it?
so darn weared out.
i'm sick, i'm tired, i'm worn out. i can't even freaking sleep in peace anymore.
i tossed and turned in bed last night since 10 until 3 in the morning.
just spending the whole time staring into space.
i feel so darn overwhelmed.
i'm not even a bloody psychologist! (don't ask)
i'm so not cut out for counselling. not that i don't wanna help or anything. i wanna help. but not so many at a time!
as much as i would like to just break down and cry and wail out my troubles, i can't.
it's just like jenny grennley in the book teen idol by meg cabot.
go read the bloody book if you wanna noe what i mean cos i ain't bothering to explain it to you.
sometimes i find it amusing. how does he even put up a strong front when he's with people after all the shat he's been through.
i sound like bloody damn bitch from hell but i don't care!
imma bitch so what.
i like to bitch so just sod off if you ain't happy.
it's after the exams. i'm supposed to be RELAX!
it seems like i'm even more tense then before.
i'm starting to hear voices in my head ok.
i feel like i'm the one who needs counselling instead.
not that i'm trying to be self-centric or anything.
on the contary, i'd rather be the one that was never noticed.
i can't take it anymore.
even music doesn't sufice as any help at all.
all i do is grab my head and hear my voices in my head.
i think i'm going insane.
a taxi almost ran me down.
was cursing at it cos it stopped in time.
i wished it would of just taken me out of all these misery.
i swear i look like a panda.
i'm so afraid i'm gonna break my promises to caleb and evangeline.
i'm so darn afraid.
i dunno how much more of this shat i can take.
i really really really wanna end all this.
my only company now is my trusty old pen knife.
everyone else is just coming to me to thrust out all their problems.
but i don't blame you.
you just wanna let all your problems out just like i do.
but i prefer bottling up instead.
easier to die.
and there's choir for the whole week ok.
i'm gonna break soon.
but i'm holding it back.
don't wanna let it out.
sing sing sing.
all these problems was the whole reason as to why i've decided to back out of camy.
i can't handle anymore responsibility.
and i'm definitely in no shape to serve God right now.
i wish i weren't even born.
i sound so selfish right now.
i can't go on any further.
i'll start crying.
goodbye.
so darn weared out.
i'm sick, i'm tired, i'm worn out. i can't even freaking sleep in peace anymore.
i tossed and turned in bed last night since 10 until 3 in the morning.
just spending the whole time staring into space.
i feel so darn overwhelmed.
i'm not even a bloody psychologist! (don't ask)
i'm so not cut out for counselling. not that i don't wanna help or anything. i wanna help. but not so many at a time!
as much as i would like to just break down and cry and wail out my troubles, i can't.
it's just like jenny grennley in the book teen idol by meg cabot.
go read the bloody book if you wanna noe what i mean cos i ain't bothering to explain it to you.
sometimes i find it amusing. how does he even put up a strong front when he's with people after all the shat he's been through.
i sound like bloody damn bitch from hell but i don't care!
imma bitch so what.
i like to bitch so just sod off if you ain't happy.
it's after the exams. i'm supposed to be RELAX!
it seems like i'm even more tense then before.
i'm starting to hear voices in my head ok.
i feel like i'm the one who needs counselling instead.
not that i'm trying to be self-centric or anything.
on the contary, i'd rather be the one that was never noticed.
i can't take it anymore.
even music doesn't sufice as any help at all.
all i do is grab my head and hear my voices in my head.
i think i'm going insane.
a taxi almost ran me down.
was cursing at it cos it stopped in time.
i wished it would of just taken me out of all these misery.
i swear i look like a panda.
i'm so afraid i'm gonna break my promises to caleb and evangeline.
i'm so darn afraid.
i dunno how much more of this shat i can take.
i really really really wanna end all this.
my only company now is my trusty old pen knife.
everyone else is just coming to me to thrust out all their problems.
but i don't blame you.
you just wanna let all your problems out just like i do.
but i prefer bottling up instead.
easier to die.
and there's choir for the whole week ok.
i'm gonna break soon.
but i'm holding it back.
don't wanna let it out.
sing sing sing.
all these problems was the whole reason as to why i've decided to back out of camy.
i can't handle anymore responsibility.
and i'm definitely in no shape to serve God right now.
i wish i weren't even born.
i sound so selfish right now.
i can't go on any further.
i'll start crying.
goodbye.
20051013
october holidays. haas.
EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!
flunked most of them. ahwells.
this whole week has been quite uneventful except for yesterday.
whole week has been holiday loh. like october holidays like that. hahahas.
well. went out with RENA, SARENA and AMIRAH yesterday to east coast.
JACINDA was supposed to come but her mum wouldn't allow. bleh.
told my dad to wake me up at 7:50 am he woke me up at 7:15 am. -.-
thus tried going back to sleep but to no avail. haas.
i then went to watch teevee.
after that i left house at 8:30 am. heavy traffic. thus, i was twenty minutes late in meeting RENA at SENGKANG MRT STATION.
SORRY RENA! hahahs.
she told me that people thought she was a beggar cos she was sitting on the floor with nothing but her rollerblades in hand. lols. so she decided to go sit on the chairs instead.
then we walked and walked to the bus stop at far far away land carrying our very very heavy rollerblades.
made a bet with rena the 27 will come next. hahahas. i won. lols.
took bus 27 until changi terminal one to change bus. the bus ride was boring and long.
rena was being crazy. she found this chocolate bar on her bus seat. then there weren't much ppl inside the bus cos they all left liaos. she den decided to throw it at the mobiletv thingie we were staring at. it hit the teevee and made a very loud 'PONG' sound. hahahs. surprising thing is. nobody bothered and we started laughing really loudly like crazy maniacs. hhahahs.
bus 36 came after. it stopped at terminal two then the bus driver went to shit. hahahas. took a good whole 10 minutes. being bored, me and rena started taking photos. those really blurry ones like ghost like that. hahahas. everyone was staring at us like we some kind of idiot or something. lols. den the bus driver came back with some people. we came to a conclusion that the woman who came up was a air stewardess cos she was very pretty. hahahas. the bus ride continued on for 30 mins +++
was darn bored. walk to mac with our heavy rollerblades. almost died. den we ate lunch there cos it was nearly 12. me and rena were 2 hours late. lols.
then we decided to blade to the rental shop so we could leave our bags there. then we went to blade. i sucked at it. bleh. then i saw amanda from six charity the tall tall one not amanda yeo. yupps. we said hi den left. lols.
decided to give up on my blading and went to rent a bike instead.
hahahs. this twin bike with two guys on it rode past us. they were very far away lah. decided to see if my bike skills go slack norts. so decided to see if i could catch up with them. hahahas.
of cos i did. i pass by them the black colour guy was like " ta ma de". hahahas. bad me was smirking all the way. lols.
went back to tell sarena that i have accomplished my task. hahahs. rena and amirah were being crazy. everytime someone scold them or talk to them they will go 'have a nice day' and then start laughing their asses away.
after getting tired of blading, we went to play with water at the beach. played awhile then decided to leave cos sarena's dad was coming and amirah and i wanted a lift to bedok mrt lohs. then we went our seperate ways and went home. o yes. we saw sarena's ex classmate from her primary school too. his name is called BOON TIONG i tink. hahhas. from raffles institution sec 1. sarena and him were staring at each other then dun wan to say hello. hahahhahas. lame. yupps. i tink that's how the day went. lols.
shall end here now. ttyl.
flunked most of them. ahwells.
this whole week has been quite uneventful except for yesterday.
whole week has been holiday loh. like october holidays like that. hahahas.
well. went out with RENA, SARENA and AMIRAH yesterday to east coast.
JACINDA was supposed to come but her mum wouldn't allow. bleh.
told my dad to wake me up at 7:50 am he woke me up at 7:15 am. -.-
thus tried going back to sleep but to no avail. haas.
i then went to watch teevee.
after that i left house at 8:30 am. heavy traffic. thus, i was twenty minutes late in meeting RENA at SENGKANG MRT STATION.
SORRY RENA! hahahs.
she told me that people thought she was a beggar cos she was sitting on the floor with nothing but her rollerblades in hand. lols. so she decided to go sit on the chairs instead.
then we walked and walked to the bus stop at far far away land carrying our very very heavy rollerblades.
made a bet with rena the 27 will come next. hahahas. i won. lols.
took bus 27 until changi terminal one to change bus. the bus ride was boring and long.
rena was being crazy. she found this chocolate bar on her bus seat. then there weren't much ppl inside the bus cos they all left liaos. she den decided to throw it at the mobiletv thingie we were staring at. it hit the teevee and made a very loud 'PONG' sound. hahahs. surprising thing is. nobody bothered and we started laughing really loudly like crazy maniacs. hhahahs.
bus 36 came after. it stopped at terminal two then the bus driver went to shit. hahahas. took a good whole 10 minutes. being bored, me and rena started taking photos. those really blurry ones like ghost like that. hahahas. everyone was staring at us like we some kind of idiot or something. lols. den the bus driver came back with some people. we came to a conclusion that the woman who came up was a air stewardess cos she was very pretty. hahahas. the bus ride continued on for 30 mins +++
was darn bored. walk to mac with our heavy rollerblades. almost died. den we ate lunch there cos it was nearly 12. me and rena were 2 hours late. lols.
then we decided to blade to the rental shop so we could leave our bags there. then we went to blade. i sucked at it. bleh. then i saw amanda from six charity the tall tall one not amanda yeo. yupps. we said hi den left. lols.
decided to give up on my blading and went to rent a bike instead.
hahahs. this twin bike with two guys on it rode past us. they were very far away lah. decided to see if my bike skills go slack norts. so decided to see if i could catch up with them. hahahas.
of cos i did. i pass by them the black colour guy was like " ta ma de". hahahas. bad me was smirking all the way. lols.
went back to tell sarena that i have accomplished my task. hahahs. rena and amirah were being crazy. everytime someone scold them or talk to them they will go 'have a nice day' and then start laughing their asses away.
after getting tired of blading, we went to play with water at the beach. played awhile then decided to leave cos sarena's dad was coming and amirah and i wanted a lift to bedok mrt lohs. then we went our seperate ways and went home. o yes. we saw sarena's ex classmate from her primary school too. his name is called BOON TIONG i tink. hahhas. from raffles institution sec 1. sarena and him were staring at each other then dun wan to say hello. hahahhahas. lame. yupps. i tink that's how the day went. lols.
shall end here now. ttyl.
20051004
dreamer.
it occured to me i'm so much of a dreamer person.
always indulging in fantasies one after another.
although knowing that in a world like this, it will never happen.
so materialistic...
it's like looking for perfect love knowing that it can't be found.
like insisting on doing something although knowing that it'll probably will fail no matter what.
like looking for a pin in a pile of haystack.
or like in spongebob, looking for a strand of hay among a whole pile of pins.
sometimes, i think disney is UNHEALTHY.
it's just feeding us with more lies about reality.
happy endings never occur in this world.
it's kinda impossible.
the nonsense about how 'love will find a way' and that you will always find your 'prince'.
just deluding little kiddies on what this world really is.
but somehow, knowing all this doesn't stop me from indulging in fantasies and disney's heartwarming shows that can only happen in shows.
i'm that much of a dreamer.
it scares me even.
dreaming of a perfect life.
ignorance is bliss.
somehow, my english teacher managed to twist these three words into something more.
she asked us: who are the most self-centered people on earth.
first reaction.
how would i friggin noe?
the answer was little kids.
why you ask.
because their ignorant.
everything is all about me me me.
nobody else.
it got me thinking.
it would be so nice to be that way isn't it.
to be pampered.
i know most of the times i'm self-centered.
i want this i want that.
but those are kids.
innocent little kids.
i'm not.
she den proceeded to say that our class had the most self-centered people.
i don't deny it.
nearly every teacher have given up on us.
we piss of teachers.
heck i give up on my studies even.
don't care anymore.
everytime they give us the suckiest teachers and expect us to do well.
ahwells.
that's life i guess.
i rather indulge in my fantasies every second of the day instead.
so much more pleasant.
to feel nothing other than happiness.
it'll be nice.
yups.
that's about it i guess.
ttfn~
always indulging in fantasies one after another.
although knowing that in a world like this, it will never happen.
so materialistic...
it's like looking for perfect love knowing that it can't be found.
like insisting on doing something although knowing that it'll probably will fail no matter what.
like looking for a pin in a pile of haystack.
or like in spongebob, looking for a strand of hay among a whole pile of pins.
sometimes, i think disney is UNHEALTHY.
it's just feeding us with more lies about reality.
happy endings never occur in this world.
it's kinda impossible.
the nonsense about how 'love will find a way' and that you will always find your 'prince'.
just deluding little kiddies on what this world really is.
but somehow, knowing all this doesn't stop me from indulging in fantasies and disney's heartwarming shows that can only happen in shows.
i'm that much of a dreamer.
it scares me even.
dreaming of a perfect life.
ignorance is bliss.
somehow, my english teacher managed to twist these three words into something more.
she asked us: who are the most self-centered people on earth.
first reaction.
how would i friggin noe?
the answer was little kids.
why you ask.
because their ignorant.
everything is all about me me me.
nobody else.
it got me thinking.
it would be so nice to be that way isn't it.
to be pampered.
i know most of the times i'm self-centered.
i want this i want that.
but those are kids.
innocent little kids.
i'm not.
she den proceeded to say that our class had the most self-centered people.
i don't deny it.
nearly every teacher have given up on us.
we piss of teachers.
heck i give up on my studies even.
don't care anymore.
everytime they give us the suckiest teachers and expect us to do well.
ahwells.
that's life i guess.
i rather indulge in my fantasies every second of the day instead.
so much more pleasant.
to feel nothing other than happiness.
it'll be nice.
yups.
that's about it i guess.
ttfn~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)