life.issues.

it so seems that it's the time of the year where EVERYONE starts having issues isn't it?
so darn weared out.
i'm sick, i'm tired, i'm worn out. i can't even freaking sleep in peace anymore.
i tossed and turned in bed last night since 10 until 3 in the morning.
just spending the whole time staring into space.
i feel so darn overwhelmed.
i'm not even a bloody psychologist! (don't ask)
i'm so not cut out for counselling. not that i don't wanna help or anything. i wanna help. but not so many at a time!
as much as i would like to just break down and cry and wail out my troubles, i can't.
it's just like jenny grennley in the book teen idol by meg cabot.
go read the bloody book if you wanna noe what i mean cos i ain't bothering to explain it to you.
sometimes i find it amusing. how does he even put up a strong front when he's with people after all the shat he's been through.
i sound like bloody damn bitch from hell but i don't care!
imma bitch so what.
i like to bitch so just sod off if you ain't happy.
it's after the exams. i'm supposed to be RELAX!
it seems like i'm even more tense then before.
i'm starting to hear voices in my head ok.
i feel like i'm the one who needs counselling instead.
not that i'm trying to be self-centric or anything.
on the contary, i'd rather be the one that was never noticed.
i can't take it anymore.
even music doesn't sufice as any help at all.
all i do is grab my head and hear my voices in my head.
i think i'm going insane.
a taxi almost ran me down.
was cursing at it cos it stopped in time.
i wished it would of just taken me out of all these misery.
i swear i look like a panda.
i'm so afraid i'm gonna break my promises to caleb and evangeline.
i'm so darn afraid.
i dunno how much more of this shat i can take.
i really really really wanna end all this.
my only company now is my trusty old pen knife.
everyone else is just coming to me to thrust out all their problems.
but i don't blame you.
you just wanna let all your problems out just like i do.
but i prefer bottling up instead.
easier to die.
and there's choir for the whole week ok.
i'm gonna break soon.
but i'm holding it back.
don't wanna let it out.
sing sing sing.
all these problems was the whole reason as to why i've decided to back out of camy.
i can't handle anymore responsibility.
and i'm definitely in no shape to serve God right now.
i wish i weren't even born.
i sound so selfish right now.
i can't go on any further.
i'll start crying.
goodbye.