happiness?

yes. this is my second post for today.
that just shows how effing bored i am.
but that's not the whole point on why i'm blogging again.
it's been bugging me last night.
somehow, i've totally forgotten about it until now.
you know how people always say i'm fortunate and anyhow?
well. do you even noe how many illnesses i have?
well maybe now it's under control.
but seeing as cedar loves doing sports, i just might have a relaspe again.
and because of these illnesses, i can't be a pilot.
i've been prone to getting colds since i was a kid.
i have an uber sensitive nose. it sucks.
i can't stand aircon.
i'll get colds.
and thus, my sister complains often cos i don't let her turn on the air con.
and because of this, i get sick often.
i have skin problem.
my skin ain't growing properly.
thus the scars.
and because of that, i can't do certain things like others can because if i touch grass, i'll get rashes. if i stay out in the sun for too long, i'll get rashes. that's also partly why i look darn skinny. cos my skin can't grow. darn. it's a genetic thingie.
you see. these two clash!
i can't take air con.
but i need air con in other not to scratch and get rashes all over again.
and because of that, i suffer.
do you even noe how hard it is to try and restrain yourself from scratching.
do you even noe how hard it is to cope with them. i go to a doctor so often when i was young that i still dread going there.
i also have weak lungs.
thus, i'm forced to take up swimming so that "i can built up my lungs".
but no. you don't listen to how much i suffer during these lessons.
the aching pain in my lungs whenever i try to reach up to your expectations.
i told you a million times i'm suffering. i cannot take it.
but you just shout back and scold me that you must carry on.
i've reached my limit. i can't go any faster.
you know i cry when i actually swim. the pain is so horrible.
and my breathing will come in harsh gasps.
and because of my weak lungs, i have asthma.
it isn't that bad now.
all these were there when i was a BABY!
a effing baby.
you know how much treatments i've got?
well no.
i used to have to go to the doctor so often just to get my breathing under control cos i kept getting asthma attacks.
it really sucked.
i'd be sick for days.
i'd be coughing and sneezing away.
well yah.
next time
think twice before thinking i don't suffer.
so go away ok.